November 3rd 2009
You woke up from a deep slumber feeling that you are being watched.
You look around and see someone standing against the door watching you.
Will you realise then that I am dead?
Friday, February 12, 2010
I am.....
November 6th 2009
oh wel...one fine day. A little spirit was roaming the world looking for a place to do some mischief. On the way she chanced upon a lady playing with a cherubine.. Lo and behold... The lady unknown to the spirit was a witch. A good witch who works magic with people’s heart and lives. Once she enters someone’s life its laughter n happiness from then on. She had the unique power to leave cheer n love in her wake wherever she went. To say in short the spirit found itself bound by the lady’s magic n she understood for the first time the longing for warmth and love. The spirit, finally at peace, curled itself up inside the lady’s womb, thanking god for this chance to live life as the lady’s child.
The spirit grew up at the lady’s side as her younger child. She had an angel as her playmate, her elder sister, whom she looked upon for everything. Her father was one serious man; a warm loving person beneath the seriousness he projected so well.
As the spirit grew up she chanced upon some unique beings. They were her friends… whom she found out were of her own kinds, of her own spirit. Her friends were her salvagers who lifted her up and supported her when she found herself failing. When tragedy struck and the spirit found its life crushed and derailed it was these godsend beings, her precious friends who gently taught her to walk again……
i am what i am because my mother gave me life; because i have an angel for my sister; because i am my father's daughter; because my friends are my friends.....
oh wel...one fine day. A little spirit was roaming the world looking for a place to do some mischief. On the way she chanced upon a lady playing with a cherubine.. Lo and behold... The lady unknown to the spirit was a witch. A good witch who works magic with people’s heart and lives. Once she enters someone’s life its laughter n happiness from then on. She had the unique power to leave cheer n love in her wake wherever she went. To say in short the spirit found itself bound by the lady’s magic n she understood for the first time the longing for warmth and love. The spirit, finally at peace, curled itself up inside the lady’s womb, thanking god for this chance to live life as the lady’s child.
The spirit grew up at the lady’s side as her younger child. She had an angel as her playmate, her elder sister, whom she looked upon for everything. Her father was one serious man; a warm loving person beneath the seriousness he projected so well.
As the spirit grew up she chanced upon some unique beings. They were her friends… whom she found out were of her own kinds, of her own spirit. Her friends were her salvagers who lifted her up and supported her when she found herself failing. When tragedy struck and the spirit found its life crushed and derailed it was these godsend beings, her precious friends who gently taught her to walk again……
i am what i am because my mother gave me life; because i have an angel for my sister; because i am my father's daughter; because my friends are my friends.....
Blessed were the days
November 8th 2009
My mother died. And when it dawns tomorrow it will be eight years. Don’t know how I have been coping without her for so long. Not a day has passed without my mourning her loss. I have been always thinking that I will get over her going. But somehow even after all these years, I still can’t fathom her absence, of not waking up to her smile, her angelic face. I know I had a blissful time with her. While she was here she made sure that I had a wonderful life. I was never in want for love.
But now she’s gone, leaving in her wake memories sweet and painful to remember.
Blessed were the days she walked this world. But even now with her gone, I continue to walk in the path I set out with her. She may have envisaged this day. But I…. totally sheltered in the comfort of my life with her, never for once did I even think remotely of the possibility of a life without her.
Thank you AMMA for the wonder you are… You taught me love and life...
Love you forever for being my mother… And thank you for leaving behind so many true friends to look after your daughter… Time and again they have stepped in to fill the void and make my life full of all those motherly carings.. But no one can ever in this world replace you darling.. Love you my sweet girl…
My mother died. And when it dawns tomorrow it will be eight years. Don’t know how I have been coping without her for so long. Not a day has passed without my mourning her loss. I have been always thinking that I will get over her going. But somehow even after all these years, I still can’t fathom her absence, of not waking up to her smile, her angelic face. I know I had a blissful time with her. While she was here she made sure that I had a wonderful life. I was never in want for love.
But now she’s gone, leaving in her wake memories sweet and painful to remember.
Blessed were the days she walked this world. But even now with her gone, I continue to walk in the path I set out with her. She may have envisaged this day. But I…. totally sheltered in the comfort of my life with her, never for once did I even think remotely of the possibility of a life without her.
Thank you AMMA for the wonder you are… You taught me love and life...
Love you forever for being my mother… And thank you for leaving behind so many true friends to look after your daughter… Time and again they have stepped in to fill the void and make my life full of all those motherly carings.. But no one can ever in this world replace you darling.. Love you my sweet girl…
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
today am pretty irritated. a bad cold, a stupid headache and lots of work to finish.. well one thing is for sure am not going to get any work finished today not with my running nose. am getting pretty worked up over it alright. oh well after all its just a cold. may be.. but its so tiresome.
then missing my dear friends today.. didnt talk to them properly last night.. i was rather drowsy last night and didnt talk to them much. wel now am missing them bad.. and am feeling lonely. well i ought to be ashamed of myself. sitting simply and pitying myself. yuck. oh well i can pity myself if i ish so. who else will if i dont. somebody has to pity me and indulge me at times naa.. but that doesnt mean i should live in self pity. just occasional indulgence thats all.. hihi.. after all self pity is never going to get me any where.
some times i feel the loneliness as if the whole universe has conspired to alienate me.
i feel bereft as if torn apart from the heart that lend mine its beats.
i break with the burden of life, knowing that i am the burden of my life.
then missing my dear friends today.. didnt talk to them properly last night.. i was rather drowsy last night and didnt talk to them much. wel now am missing them bad.. and am feeling lonely. well i ought to be ashamed of myself. sitting simply and pitying myself. yuck. oh well i can pity myself if i ish so. who else will if i dont. somebody has to pity me and indulge me at times naa.. but that doesnt mean i should live in self pity. just occasional indulgence thats all.. hihi.. after all self pity is never going to get me any where.
some times i feel the loneliness as if the whole universe has conspired to alienate me.
i feel bereft as if torn apart from the heart that lend mine its beats.
i break with the burden of life, knowing that i am the burden of my life.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Dec 6 9 pm …….it is said that only God is perfect. It is said that God is the perfect angel and Satan the lesser angel. If God is perfect then should he be punishing Satan by cursing him that let evil be him. In our lives we are taught and told to forgive them who wronged us. We are taught to love them. Will it be possible for the imperfect man to forgive the wrong doers if the perfect one himself cannot? Hmm, so is not the whole concept wrong? Or did I get it wrong? Correct me if I did……
Dec 31 11 pm ……….’morrow a new year dawns and with that new thoughts and new hopes. Think of today, forget the unwanted past, cherish the sweetest memories. With a prayer in your lips welcome the future. The future is full of life, full of mysteries, full of all those you can’t even think of. But it is there for us to unveil and that is what that keeps us going, always hoping…..
April 13 7.35 pm ……………….. I wish me to be happy, to be contended under all circumstances. i want me to give me the best of best in me. I am proud of me and will always be. I wish to be full of confidence and integrity that will never falter……
Sept 22 8.30 pm …..today I attended my first job interview. The Google conducted 2 written tests at our college and short listed 11 students for the interview. The interview actually had three stages. In the first round I was interviewed by Mr. prem. That one went smoothly. But crashed out in the second round. Poor me. Any ways it was good experience………
Oct 21 11.45 pm ……. Today was definitely a ‘day’. Till 4 in the eve it was alright. Then we planned an outing. First to arappura house coz mama had forgotten her mob and hand bag there. Then to Planetarium and the beach. That was our plan. Thus we reached arappura , retrieved mamma’s things, got back into the car and that was when every thing took a comic turn. The car would not start, so papa went to find a mechanic. Meanwhile a police jeep arrived on the scene. At least half a dozen policemen got down to help us. They were mamma's colleagues. And the entire passerby’s and the locals were staring at us. They must have thought that we had a bomb……. We reached beach by 7 n then pops mob rang. We got back into the car and found that the back wheels were deeply immersed in the loose sand. With help of some guys we got the car back on road by 7.30. we reached the place and pops n mama went to attend the cremation ceremony while we waited in the car. It was a bit scary being parked near a small wood, darkness and an eerie silence adding to our discomfiture..........................................
Dec 31 11 pm ……….’morrow a new year dawns and with that new thoughts and new hopes. Think of today, forget the unwanted past, cherish the sweetest memories. With a prayer in your lips welcome the future. The future is full of life, full of mysteries, full of all those you can’t even think of. But it is there for us to unveil and that is what that keeps us going, always hoping…..
April 13 7.35 pm ……………….. I wish me to be happy, to be contended under all circumstances. i want me to give me the best of best in me. I am proud of me and will always be. I wish to be full of confidence and integrity that will never falter……
Sept 22 8.30 pm …..today I attended my first job interview. The Google conducted 2 written tests at our college and short listed 11 students for the interview. The interview actually had three stages. In the first round I was interviewed by Mr. prem. That one went smoothly. But crashed out in the second round. Poor me. Any ways it was good experience………
Oct 21 11.45 pm ……. Today was definitely a ‘day’. Till 4 in the eve it was alright. Then we planned an outing. First to arappura house coz mama had forgotten her mob and hand bag there. Then to Planetarium and the beach. That was our plan. Thus we reached arappura , retrieved mamma’s things, got back into the car and that was when every thing took a comic turn. The car would not start, so papa went to find a mechanic. Meanwhile a police jeep arrived on the scene. At least half a dozen policemen got down to help us. They were mamma's colleagues. And the entire passerby’s and the locals were staring at us. They must have thought that we had a bomb……. We reached beach by 7 n then pops mob rang. We got back into the car and found that the back wheels were deeply immersed in the loose sand. With help of some guys we got the car back on road by 7.30. we reached the place and pops n mama went to attend the cremation ceremony while we waited in the car. It was a bit scary being parked near a small wood, darkness and an eerie silence adding to our discomfiture..........................................
Excerpts from my diary……...........
Feb 15 7.15 pm ………..my first memory of my infant days is a very cute one. Trying to lick honey from my mother’s fingers. The taste must have been really sweet, the tang of honey flavored with my mother’s sweetness. ….. The very first memory of my school days….hmmm…without doubt a beautiful park (guess it was the real reason I agreed to go to school in the first place). A beautiful park, an enchanting play house, toys, board games, cycles, lots of grounds and very friendly teachers. That was at Vishwajanina. Then the sisters of Carmel, the park again, the grounds, the various activities. Moved on to Nirmala, to become a true nirmalite to the core. The beautiful grounds of nirmala Bhavan, all those lovely trees, and their shades were our favorite haunts. It was there I forged life long friendships. The teachers were more friends, second mothers to us and not simply knowledge imbibers…. It was at this place I spend 10 wonderful years of my life, where I learned to learn, behave, enjoy and above all to love with all my heart… Then moved on to Bhavans. A good school and good teachers. But somehow the atmosphere there was very different from what I was used to. The 2 years there sped fast. Now at NSS College. A very nice place. With good teachers and good friends. In 3 years time I would have left here and found a new place. I hope it will also be a good one. Then one day I want to try the mountains and after that bikes… one day I want to own my own business however small it may. One day I want to become a successful civil servant. Someday I want to marry and be the part of a very beautiful family. And some day I wish to travel the world with just a back pack. I hope all these days will come in my life. I fervently hope it so. I long to see the day when I will recognize that I have fulfilled all these wishes……….
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